I've been waiting for you, Bejeweled 2.

We meet again, at last.  The circle is now complete.  When I left you, I was but a learner; now I am the master.  

Cue light sabers and death-battle.  Following the completion of the final 11 minutes in the trial version, Bejeweled 2 will shut down and sacrifice itself for the greater goal of ultimately convincing me to purchase the full game, which will seduce me into playing it every time I turn on my computer.  The Force can have a strong influence on the weak-minded.

Ninja Turtles

Blogblogblog Re-branded!

I've changed the title of my blog.  I felt that the old one was getting a bit stagnant, and this one is more in tune with my personality.  I'm a nerd.  I love Star Trek and fantasy novels.  I read history books and collect encyclopedias.  Last night I spent almost two hours watching the first couple of episodes of A History Of Britain on youtube.  I wonder about the proper way to end parenthetical expressions with emoticons.  If I have a choice between MTV and the National Geographic Channel, I'll take Nat Geo every time.  I call the National Geographic channel Nat Geo.  I subscribe to six different podcasts from the BBC, and five from NPR (and also the Freakonomics podcast.  Love it.).  I have a tattoo, which is totally badass, but it's an open book.  There is a Benjamin Franklin action figure on my desk at work.  I've never heard a single song by Lady Gaga and wouldn't know her if she walked up and slapped me in the face, but if you have an obscure recording of Purcell or Byrd, I'm your girl. I am absolutely devoted to the show Lost, and now that it's over I'm considering getting into Battlestar Galactica.  When I was twelve I decided I wanted to redecorate my room with a Winnie-The-Pooh theme, so I did and I left it that way until I graduated from college.  Sometimes when I have nothing to do, I'll go to Staples and stand in the pens and pencils aisle just looking until I find the perfect new pen.  I love sorting and organizing, and I have mild OCD which causes me to freak out about weird things like what time I eat my snack at work, and the volume level of the radio in my car.  I shelve my books in a way that only makes sense to me.  Example- my travel guide to Australia is right next to my autobiography of Renee Fleming, because I have an Australian friend who used to work for her.  The other day at work, it was fancy dress-up day because we had visitors and my boss told me that I looked very nice, but next time I should leave the big history book at home because it makes me look like a nerd and I'll never pick up any guys in the clubs that way.  I told him that I didn't see that as a big problem because I've never set foot in a club in my life, and don't ever plan to.  

In short, I am a card-carrying, flag-waving nerd.  You will not woo me by taking me out to a late dinner, and then to a club until all hours.  I will just start making bored noises and looking at the door every five minutes.  However, if you take me home and put on the Star Wars soundtrack and then re-enact the corresponding scenes with me, our souls will align and I might let you get to like second base or something. 

Nothing, really. Just some stuff.

I just ate a piece of pineapple chess pie. It was delicious. It was also ten days old. I hollered down the stairs to my mom to see if it was safe to eat, but she was too busy watching Dancing With The Stars. So I took my life in my own hands and decided to go for it. What is the shelf-life of pie? I don't really know. It was in the fridge, so it's okay I guess. Right? I suppose we'll know for sure soon. I could be dead in a few hours. These may be the last words I ever write. I wonder what it would be like to go to my own funeral. I've kind of secretly always wanted to. It makes me think of two things. The first thing is that part in Tom Sawyer when everyone thinks that Tom and Huck are dead, and then they come to their own funeral. The other thing that it makes me think of is The Golden Girls. I forget what episode, but at one point Blanche is talking about how when she was sixteen her parents made her mad so she wanted to teach them a lesson. She faked her own death, and then watched her funeral. She was so happy because so many people came out to see her and were saying all kinds of good things about her and how much they loved her. Then she popped out and said "Surprise, it's me! I'm not really dead!" and her dad beat the tar out of her. I guess it's kind of an ego thing to want to hear what people have to say about you. But I would be totally curious as to who would come to mine. I want it to be really fun. Okay I'm getting a little morbid now.

Here's something fun- I got two new Pears' Cyclopaedias in the mail the other day. Well, not new, one is from 1929 and the other is 1932, but they are new to me. They are my current obsession. I'm not even going to try and explain what they are here, you can google it. It's so cool. The best part is that it's a British publication, so all the most interesting parts are things like Some Lengthy Tunnels, and how to write letters to persons of royalty, and a chart of silver and china marks so you can tell who made yours. It's really interesting to see how things change over time, too. For instance: I looked up Gandhi in the Prominent People section of my 2010 edition. There are almost two solid inches of text about him (itty-bitty printing). Then just for kicks I looked him up in my 1946 War Economy edition, and my 1934 edition (this would be when Britain was not a big fan of Gandhi) and all it said about him was "Prominent Hindu leader". My, how things have changed. The fun part about collecting Pears' is that every one is a little bit different. I think I'm hooked.

My Pears' Cyclopaedia Collection. Please notice that the bookend is a giant Pear.

Now I'm watching my frogs. One is swimming around like crazy (I think he's about to shed his skin, which is gross because after they do that, they eat it) and the other one is hiding under the food plate. Oh great. Now the crazy one is stuck to the glass above the water line. Hold on. I have to go save his life. Okay, I'm back. It's a good thing I was looking. Stupid frog. That's not the first time he's done that. I guess I can't fault him for being dumb, though. He's very small and doesn't have a lot of room in his tiny head for brains. Poor little guy.


*Disclaimer- I don't know why the font at the end came out in weird sizes. That was not intentional, I can't figure out how to fix it, and it's wreaking havoc with my OCD.

Mirror mirror on the wall, I am my mother after all

I've been thinking a lot lately about the imaginary children that I will have someday. Okay that already came out wrong. I don't mean that someday I will have imaginary children. They will be real. They are only imaginary right now. Anyway, I was thinking about all the things that my mother did that and I swore I would never do, and I realized that I'm actually going to do all of them. My kids will have a bedtime and a curfew. They will not watch tv and play on the computer all day. Cell phones are absolutely out of the question until they reach high school (we'll see if that one is still practical by the time these kids actually show up, but for now that's the way it's going to be) and if they don't like what I've fixed for dinner, tough. I'm not cooking five different meals every night to satisfy my family of picky eaters.

I used to think that my mom did these things to torture me. Now I know that they were actually for my own benefit. I'm not addicted to the tube, I can entertain myself with a book, and I know the value of a good night's sleep. The only thing that I am sure I will do differently than my mom is that I will not give my kids a name and then call them something else entirely for the rest of their lives. Although they might wish that I would because my current top three favorite names are Priscilla, Prudence and Frances (I love the nickname Francie). But I think I'm getting a little ahead of myself. This is not happening anytime soon. Unless the phrases "born in a manger" or "immaculate conception" come into play somehow. So don't worry, future children. I'm not ready to start torturing you. Yet.

Procrastination

My room
is a cloud of doom
full of dread
hanging over my head
because I don't want to clean it.

Dear Random Asian Spam Commenter...

Please stop posting links to your Asian porn sites on my blog. I get excited when I see that someone left a comment for me only to be disheartened when I click on it and realize I can't read it because it's in Chinese or something. Not fun.

In other news, I'm keeping one eyeball on my frogs in their new tank while also watching Star Trek and eating hummus. Best night ever? Possibly.

Hummus is yummus

It really is and I eat it all the time. I had some for lunch today, and I might have also have it for dinner. I realize that this might not be healthy (there is such a thing as too much protein, believe it or not) but it's just so delicious that I can't help myself. I love it. That's all.

I'm back with tales of adventure

Well, not really adventure, but fun times. Italy was amazing! I saw way too many cool things to even know what to say. We (me and the fam) spent two days in Rome, one each in Florence and Venice, and two days in Bologna where my brother lives. Bologna was definitely my favorite because it was not touristy at all. My family left to go back home two days before me so I just spent those days with Kirbs chilling in the city and walking around. We saw all sorts of things including but not limited to:

*A troupe of close to fifty people dressed up like big colored stars

*An outdoor dance competition including ballroom, hip-hop, belly-dancing and flamenco

*A brass band playing When The Saints Go Marching in with a banjo

*A random bagpiper wandering the Piazza Maggiore

*A man dressed like Rambo/Andre the Giant playing 80's power ballad guitar on the sound system that was hooked up to his motorcycle while his toothless female partner danced for the crowd

*A basketball game between a team of Asians and a team of mentally handicapped people (which just didn't seem fair)

*A troupe of homeless circus performers juggling on a tightrope in the park

*A homeless guy with a rat on his shoulder peeing in a bush directly behind us in said park

I would just like to point out that we saw all of these things on the same day. Would that I had my camera at the ready. Here are some things I did manage to take pictures of...







That's not even close to all my pictures. If you want to see more they are on the fb...I won't bore you with them all here.

p.s. My favorite European thing is weirdly...Pay Toilets. I think this is a brilliant idea and vast source of untapped revenue for the federal government. We should totally do it.

I'm feeling rather chatty tonight

I can't believe I am leaving for Italy in 2 weeks! I will be departing at 6:10pm on Easter Sunday. I'm so excited because I have never left the country before. Well, I've been to Canada, but I don't count that because at the time I didn't need a passport to get there. I just showed my birth certificate and they were like "Fine, whatever. Have a good time." This time I need a passport. Which arrived in the mail three days ago. I'm feeling super cool and international, even though there are no stamps in it. It just looks so official. My picture isn't too bad either. I look a little bit like a corpse because I am so white, but that's okay. That's normal for me. (Today I walked past my boss's office in a dress and he said "Girl, you need to get some color on those legs!") I explained that I am a shade-dweller and also I never wear shorts, so my legs never see the sunlight. But that's not the point of my story. Well, I'm not really telling a story. And I'm not so sure I have a point. But anyway, I need to get hip-hoppin' if I'm going to be ready to go in two weeks. Because technically I have to be ready to go in one week. I'm house-sitting for a friend the week before I leave, and I will be leaving from her house to go to the airport so when I pack to go stay there, I will actually be packing for Europe. I need to start making lists immediately. I need to clean out my frog-water and remember to leave the food pellets by the tank so that whoever is taking care of our animals can feed them.

Speaking of animals, tomorrow I am taking Alice and Grace to get groomed. Alice has been before, but this will be Grace's first time. I take Alice because she is long-haired and won't let me brush her. Grace likes to be brushed but she really needs her claws trimmed. I don't have a good feeling about shoving her in a crate tomorrow. She's going to flip out. I think she has feline-anxiety, so this is not going to be fun. Alice is hard to get in a crate because she is so enormous, but I think with Grace it is going to be a whole different ball game. By the way, I'm going to start training Alice to walk on a leash. I am going to the pet store tomorrow to get her a harness. I'm really excited- I think it's going to be fun. Well, I hope it's going to be fun. For me, at least. I think for the first few days I'm just going to put the harness in her bed so she can get used to it. Then maybe I will put it on her and let her wear it around the house for a few minutes at a time. I really hope she doesn't freak out because I think it would be fun if I could take her on walks around the neighborhood. She needs exercise. She is obese.

Okay, that's all. I've set my alarm for 9am tomorrow so I have plenty of time to get the cats ready for their day of terror at the groomers. Joy. I'll let you know how it goes.

What is with the snow?!?

Seriously! I mean, I know it's Winter outside, but I'm getting a little sick of this. Did we have this much snow last year? I only like snow if it is before Christmas, because it puts me in a holiday mood. After December 25th, it just becomes a cold, slushy pain in the ass that makes me late to work in the morning because I have to take the time to scrape off my car. (Aside- I just broke my scraper the other day. I dropped it on the ground and it snapped in half because it was SO EFFING COLD OUTSIDE that the plastic was frozen and brittle.) So now it takes me even longer to scrape my car with the remaining shard. Fantastic.

I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles (Pretty Bubbles)

Why is it so impossible for me to get past the second round of bubble spinner? Seriously. I have gotten to the third level exactly twice. One time last year when I was living in the city, and once a couple weeks ago here in F-town. (That's how momentous those two occasions were for me- I remember exactly where I was both times.) It shouldn't be that hard. I feel kinda pathetic that I care so much but I feel like I'm the only person who has this much trouble with this game. Am I? I suppose if it's really bothering me than that means that I should stop playing it. But it's so relaxing! I sit on my bed and zone out and play bubble spinner and it calms me down. Ergo I should be better at it because I play it so much but I suck. Gah.

Unrelated- last night I had a dream that I was going to visit a space station to be a science experiment. Like people were going to do tests on me and stuff. I got teleported up into this hole and then I remember that I was trying to run through the halls and hide from the bad guys but then I ran into Kaori Sato. I feel like that somehow ties into me watching Lost last night but I'm not sure how. Maybe because Jack and everyone were sneaking around in the temple and then they found that Japanse guy? Weird. What do you think?

The Ballad Of Ralphie The Driveway Squirrel

flat and frozen on the pavement,
your dash for freedom brief and brave, meant
nothing when my mother came
and squashed your tiny, squirrely frame
into a pancake with her car
and left you as an ugly scar
upon our once pristine asphalt
where your life came to a halt.

you have lain there since july,
a mangled corpse of roadkill pie.
no one wants to touch you now,
not after you have shown us how
you can't be moved by the lawn mower,
steel-tipped shovel or snowblower,
you've been through snow and sleet and hail,
now all that's left is one leg and a tail.
oh, tough and tenacious little guy,
why do you refuse to die?

do you think your grief and pain
was meaningless and all in vain?
never fear, you are a reminder
to my mom to look behind her
as she's backing up the car
she will thank her lucky stars
that the fast-eroding features
of this luckless woodland creature
smashed and pasted to the ground
will make her pause and look around
to make sure that the neighbor's cat
won't cross behind and be squashed flat.

your courage in the face of fear
has inspired far and near
all the lovers of the fight
to not go gentle into that good night,
and rest assured that you will not
be pushed aside and then forgot,
for on this day we all do stand
in reverent awe with drink in hand
and lift a glass around the world
to you, oh ralphie, the driveway squirrel.

Do I Know You?

i swore up and down that this would never happen. i swore it from the first day i logged on. i would never become one of them. but you know what? i have. as much as it pains me to admit it, i have become a constant facebook checker. i do it first thing in the morning. i do it on my phone at the office. i do it as soon as i get home. i do it at least twice more after dinner and again right before i go to bed. why? i've realized that the more information that is out there, the more i want to see it. i don't really care that this person found a lonely cow on the farm and has adopted it, or that that person is going out tonight. it's just something to do. it's like eating when i'm bored.

it kind of hit me the other night when i was signing in for the billionth time. i don't do anything on facebook. i just see what everyone else is doing. i update my status a couple times a week, if that, but not much else. i don't comment on things, or write on people's walls, or send messages, but somehow i can't imagine my life without it. without that constant voyeurism.

i started this week with 241 facebook friends. i was amazed when i saw that number because i didn't think that i knew that many people. Well as it turns out, i don't. i had facebook friends that i haven't talked to since highschool, and most of them were people that i didn't even talk to while i was in highschool. so i decided it was time for some drastic action. after polling several of my friends via text to find out if someone that you un-friend is notified or if it's a secret (i don't know what i was worried about, hurting their feelings? i'm not even friends with these people in real life!) i went on an un-friending frenzy and managed to pare my number down from 241 to what i think is a very modest and respectable 188. i was shocked to find out how hard that was. you might be surprised to hear that it was difficult to sever the connection between myself and 53 virtual strangers, but i was agonizing over who to cut. would i regret losing the news feeds from this person or that person? would i feel bereft not knowing what is going on in their lives every second? finally i just decided to grow a pair and do it. and you know what? it didn't hurt at all. i feel better. lighter. granted, i still have way to many people on there that i don't talk to, but hey, i like to spy. (don't judge me, you do it too.)

so score one for holding beelzebub at the stave's end...i might try to go for round two in another couple of months. we'll see how brave i'm feeling.

No, No, I Mean Jingle Bells. You Know, Deck Them Halls And All That Stuff?

christmas is coming! it's almost here. as i write this, it is snowing like a blizzard outside. this year will be my first christmas eve away from home, as i will be singing up at my church job in westchester and spending the night with a friend. i'm actually kind of excited about it. it's kind of like a challenge to myself. i'm 24 years old and i think i need to grow up a bit.

i feel kind of rushed this year, and i'm not sure why. i just haven't been able to find the time, which is odd because other than work and church i don't do anything. i haven't bought presents for anyone yet, and i am way behind on my christmas movie viewing schedule. i'm talking the 24th is five days away and i haven't watched white christmas yet. i've usually managed to see it at least twice by this time. i need to get crackalackin'. i'm going to put this down now and go be productive. peace.

I Left My Dignity At The Office Halloween Party

it's true. i was trying really hard to win first prize ($100) in the costume contest, so i dressed up like the queen of the renaissance fair. despite what i thought was a totally bitchin' outfit (it was real, from a real renaissance fair,) i only won $25. so i achieved 1/4 of my goal. which is better than zero i guess. it was fun though so that's okay. there was all kinds of yummy food and fun games, and lots of people dressed up. i was disappointed in a few people who did not dress up or bring food, but because i have no idea who reads this thing i will refrain from naming names. you know who you are. like i said before, this is an office halloween party. check your dignity at the door.

i would like to make special mention of liz, who dressed up like a penguin, which i did not see coming. that made me happy.

today is the last day of october, and i plan to spend my afternoon watching nebraska kick baylor university's booty, drinking cider, watching it's the great pumkin charlie brown, and handing out candy to all the kids who come to my door. i could not think of a more perfect afternoon/evening. it gets even better tomorrow because tonight is the end of daylight savings time so i get an extra hour of sleep, and also at church tomorrow alison is singing a solo so i don't have to get there super early, and when i do get there i don't even really have to do anything and i get paid anyway. can life get better? i submit that it cannot.

Been A While, Much?

holy crap i haven't posted since june. i'm so lazy. here's what i'm up to now: this weekend my cousin tiffany made her national television debut on the animal planet series "i'm alive". my cousin sebastian got married. i spent nine hours on my couch in my pajamas crocheting a doily and watching the america's next top model marathon. you haven't missed much.

Further Bulletins As Events Warrant...

i don't really have a cohesive theme for this post, so i'm just going to say things as they come to me.  first thing-

my family just made the jump from pc to mac, and i'm pretty psyched.  i am currently using the new computer downstairs instead of my lappy.  i don't know if i can give you an accurate description of how incredibly mammoth the monitor is on this thing, except to say that it is bigger than three of the tvs that we have in my house.  that says something.  so does the fact that we have more than three tvs in my house.  yikes.  next-

kirby and i joined a gym together about three weeks ago and i have been going pretty consistently.  it's definitely more than i have ever voluntarily worked out in my entire life.  i say voluntarily because i was forced through 12 painful years of physical education wrought upon me by our wonderful public education system.  i say that when your gym teacher makes you stay after during fifth block to lift weights because you missed class for a college audition, they are taking their job a little to seriously.  thanks ms. pines.  but i digress.  my point is, i actually kind of like going to the gym.  hopefully soon i will have big muscles.  next-

i took my cat to get groomed today and they had to shave her.  she is long-haired and she won't let me brush her, so she was really matted.  i actually have two long-haired cats.  one of them (gracie) loves to be brushed so i don't have any problem keeping her from getting all tangled.  the other one (alice) panics whenever i get near her with a grooming tool so it's a little harder.  the people at the place were really nice though, and they didn't charge me full price because i told them to only shave where the mattes were, not her whole body.  she looks a little silly, but my mom would have killed me if i came home with a totally shaved cat.  next (and last)-

i have just finished reading Watership Down.  it's going on my top twenty list.  i never thought that rabbits could be so interesting or lead such complex lives.  since i've finished it, every time i see a rabbit in my backyard i try to talk to it using some of the (imaginary i'm sure) Lapine language from the book in hopes that it will respond to me.  so far i have only succeeded in convincing my neighbors that i'm insane.  

Summer Lovin'

not really. i had my last service at st. mark's today. we are now officially dismissed for summer. i can't believe i'm not going to see everyone for three months! i'm kind of sad. i got paid though, which is cool. that's all i wanted to say i guess. now i'm going to go read Dune until my eyeballs fall out.

My Dad's Garage = Our Third Attic? Or- Mad Props To My Bro For Getting My Dresser Down Three Flights Of Stairs

i'm back after spending all day in the city with kirby hauling my stuff out of my third floor apartment (no elevator thank you very much), and now it's piled in my dad's garage. kirby hasn't unpacked any of his stuff from school either so it's a little full at the moment. i have to clean my room and get rid of a bunch of stuff before i can move my furniture back upstairs to where it's supposed to be. the question is- how did i acquire more stuff in my bedroom at home while i was living in the city all year? how? and how could i possibly fit as much crap as i did into my 8'x7' bedroom in my apartment? i swear the amount of junk that is now accumulating dust in my garage nearly outstrips the amount of stuff sitting in boxes on my bedroom floor. I think I might have a yard sale.