LeTwitter

I be on it.  So's the blarg.  Come and find us at @MollyKernan.  It's like Facebook, only exactly the same.  

That being said, here's something that I can't cram into 140 characters:

My birthday is coming up.  And by coming up, I mean THIS SUNDAY.  I will be 27.  I realized the severity of this the other day when I caught myself legitimately contemplating purchasing a Knit Your Own Cat instruction book.  For real.  

Holy old maid, Batman.  Why not just hang a flashing neon sign over my head that says "I give up"?  Knitting one's own cats is the first step in a downward trajectory that ultimately leads to some serious airtime on Hoarders.  I'm sure of it.    

LeTweet, y'all.

Things I Like: Tights

I like tights.  Like, a lot.  I probably wear them two or three times a week.  But when I was a kid I absolutely hated tights.  Probably because my mother made me wear them, and as a child (and also sometimes now) I tended to form an instant dislike to anything that my mother thought was a good idea, just on principle.  The other reason that I hated tights was because, due to my extreme youth and subsequent inability to adjust my own clothes, I inevitably spent a large portion of any Tights Wearing Day with the crotch of the tights sitting a solid two inches below my actual crotch.  For those who have never experienced this, let me just tell you that is the MOST DISTRACTING THING EVER.  You can feel where the crotch of the tights should be, and at the same time where it actually is, and it is literally a terrible, terrible feeling.  Your entire universe is focused on this one awful point, and it is impossible to concentrate on cutting paper or eating your snack or paying attention to the story during circle time because the disparity between your two crotches demands your full and immediate attention.  And since I lacked the wherewithal to pull up my own tights, or the rebellious, devil-may-care disregard for the rules to just go ahead and peel them off right there in front of God and my preschool teacher, I just had to suffer until it was time to go home.   


Now that I'm much more handy in the clothing department, tights are like my new favorite thing.  I can get away without shaving my legs for days at a time.  It's a whole new world.  Tights are warm, opaque, slimming, and who doesn't want purple legs once in a while?  That's why I like tights.  

My problem is that I want to know everything

Okay so sometimes I get really anxious that I won't have time to learn about everything I want to know. Yesterday I went to Barnes and Noble, and I got really overwhelmed because I wanted to read every book in the store but I didn't know where to start.  Antique furniture?  The history of Ireland?  Do-it-yourself electrics?  Gah!!  I walked out with the Hunger Games trilogy and a notebook in which to collect facts.  I think that if I write down everything I learn, then I'll be able to see what's missing and therefore figure out what it is that I don't know, and then I can study that.  The only problem is that I might be dead before I figure it out.  Did you know that the surface area of the small intestine is the size of a tennis court?  Sheesh.  Also, I'll bet you don't know why a papal bull is called a papal bull.  (I even had to look up what the heck a papal bull was in the first place; it's basically a document from the Pope or his office.  Decrees, letters patent, charters, etc.)  But allow me to drop some knowledge on you as to why it's called a bull—it's named for the device that they use to seal the document: a bulla.  It's a little metal disc thingy that they stamp with symbols of the current Pope and the church, and they attach it to the document with a silk or hemp cord.  Silk cord for good decrees like sanctifications, and hemp cord for bad ones like excommunications.  BAM.  

"Who was vice president under John Quincy Adams?  Daniel D. Tompkins, and I'll bet your Mr. Sawyer doesn't know that."

Updates: short hair, ray-guns, and a very steampunk Christmas

Hi!  I think it's time for some updates.  And pictures.  Okay, SO...  first of all, I have a kick-ass haircut.  It looks like this:

I tend to let my hair grow until I can't stand it anymore and then go to the mall in White Plains to get it chopped off for super cheap at their walk-in hair place.  But not this time.  I've decided that I need to be a grown up, which means getting a haircut that makes me look like one.  I went to a real salon, spent real money, AND I've already booked my next appointment for six weeks from now.  No more driving ninety miles to get a cheap haircut in a ghetto mall by someone who doesn't speak english and gives me bangs when I ask for layers.  I can't believe I used to do that on a regular basis just because ONE TIME when I was in college I got a cut that I liked there.  Talk about not being able to let go.  Sheesh.  


For Halloween this year, I was an airship pirate captain.  If I could wear this outfit all the time, I totally would.  Note the long hair; this is pre-haircut.  Also please note the awesome goggles:

And here's an old-timey western saloon version:

Oh my god I look SO COOL!!  Don't mess with me and my badass ray-gun.  I will commandeer your zeppelin and use it for my weapons-smuggling enterprise.  And that's a legit, steel-boned corset, by the way.  I almost passed out at the office Halloween party because I had it laced too tight.  I wish I had a close-up pic of the goggles so you could see how amazing and detailed they are.  I would just take one right now, but I keep the goggles at my desk at work.  They help me concentrate when I'm bored.  


This year for Christmas, I got the best presents.  I seriously have the coolest parents ever.  I told my mom that I wanted this crazy lightbulb terrarium that I saw online, and she didn't even bat an eyelash.  She was just like "Ok, sweetie.  If that's what you want."  And then on Christmas morning, it was there!  Like magic!  Here it is:

It looks like you could run a train engine off of that thing.  Amazing!  And the best part is that it only has preserved moss inside, so there's nothing I can kill.  (Last year for Christmas I got a pair of frogs.  A moment of silence for Pork and Beans, if you please.)  The other thing I really wanted was the golden compass from Philip Pullmans "His Dark Materials" trilogy.  It's even more awesome in person than it looked in the movie, if that's possible:

  
I think I might have had the world's nerdiest Christmas, but I'm okay with that.  So anyway, that's what I've been up to.  I've got laundry in the dryer that needs my attention (I hate laundry.  Hate it hate it hate it.) so I guess I should go take care of that.  Catch you on the flip side, homies.