Recently I’ve become obsessed with wanting everyone in the world to read my blog. I don’t know why. It’s not worth reading. I’m absolutely certain that immediately after you read whatever my latest lame story is, you probably sit there thinking “Why did I waste my time on that? That took me at least two to five minutes to read.”
You could have used those minutes to read something worthwhile, like The Economist, or The Beijing Times. Or better yet, you could have used two of the minutes to microwave a delicious hot-pocket and still have had three minutes left over to eat it while you were reading something that would fill your brain with important thoughts because you are a suit-wearing intellectual with many accomplishments under your belt and a snappy briefcase that says "I'm Somebody", and not a 25 year old sweat-pants-wearing fake-adult who still lives with her parents. (By the way, two minutes is the exact amount of time it takes to nuke a hot-pocket. I know this from experience. Someday I’ll tell you about how this knowledge helped me gain twenty pounds during my sophomore year of college.)
But you are not doing any of those things. You are sitting here reading all of my nonsense. Or maybe you aren’t, and I’m writing stuff that disappears into the vast wilderness of cyberspace and winds up lost and alone, discovered only by the poor, confused soul who’s just Googled “hot-pocket” and “The Economist” simultaneously and is now wondering which circle of Hell he‘s stumbled into.
Welcome to my mind, hungry smart person. There is no escape. I have you now.
Either way, I don’t really care because blogging is an ego-centric activity and in the end I still get to write funny things for my own personal enjoyment, and that’s all that matters because this is about ME, right? RIGHT??? That’s what I thought.
But I still want people to read.
So…tell your friends. Also tell your enemies. Being forced to read my blog would be a great way to torture someone that you hate if they are afflicted with no sense of humor and do not enjoy pointless but also hysterically funny stories.
It is also acceptable to tell perfect strangers. You could be like those people who stand on the street and hand out pamphlets promoting some club or self-produced DVD of a lame stand-up comedian who also happens to be your friend and you really don’t want to be standing outside on the street for seven hours breathing in traffic fumes in the middle of August promoting this person but they’re your friend so you do it anyway because that’s what friends do. That would be awesome and although I don’t have a club to invite you to, I would probably most likely bake you some cookies.
So there you go. Tell everyone. My undying gratitude and some free cookies are waiting.
P.S. In case you were wondering about the title, I really do have number OCD. I’ll tell you all about it sometime soon.
3 comments:
Number OCD?! Please blog about that and the hot pockets next.
Also, I came to your blog to see which site you go to for your backgrounds. I started a book review blog on a separate account and I want to have a cute book related background design.
Oh, Molly, by the way, this is La Toya. I changed my name on this account for when people read my book review page and disagree with me and want to fight me for the things I've said about the books and the way I've said the things.
La Toya: You got it. Hot pockets and OCD coming up.
I actually get my backgrounds from the Template Designer thingy on this site. The template that I use is Picture Window, and then I think all the book backgrounds are under The Arts category on the Backgrounds tab.
I'm so excited that you are starting a book review blog! That's such a good idea! I will definitely follow you. I think you might be the only person I know who reads as much as I do.
Haha, yay! And thanks for the tip! I will check out the template designer. Thanks for following you rule!
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