Yes I Have One Shorter Leg, But I Really Don't Think That's The Problem Here

Can we just discuss something for a minute, you guys?  I can’t even tell you the battle I’ve been having lately with buying jeans.  It seems that in the past year, one of two things has happened- either the leg length of the average woman has increased by like four inches, or whoever puts the labels on the jeans in the jean factory has been smoking crack and just sticking on the sizes willy-nilly without care for the sanity of those of us who need new pants.  Or they’re just doing it as a joke. 

Okay that was actually three things.  Whatever.  Sometimes when I get worked up I get a little careless.

Anyway, my point is this- jeans usually come with labels attached identifying them as either “Long”, “Regular” or “Short”.  Naturally, one assumes that these are for long, regular, or short people. 

Not so.

These labels apparently have no bearing whatsoever on the actual length of the jeans.  When I invest my time in a shopping expedition (which for me is like epically slow Chinese Water Torture) I expect the regular length jeans to be just that- regular.  'Tis the season for flip-flops and flats, and I don’t want yards of gratuitous fabric flapping around my ankles when I’m going for a nice, leisurely stroll around town.  This past spring I completely ruined the hem of my favorite pair of jeans while walking around Venice because they were too long for my flops but I didn’t want to wear heels on the cobblestone streets. 

(I could have gotten my point across there without being specific to location, but I want to make sure everyone knows that I wrecked my pants in Venice.  Booyah.) 

Right about now you might be thinking to yourself “Geez this chick is lazy.  Why doesn’t she just buy the regular pants and then hem them if they are too long?“  Here’s why- I don’t want to.  I want what I was promised on the label to be so.  I don’t want to buy pants and then spend more money to make it so.  (Captain Picard fans should have gotten a little thrill just then.  To everyone else sitting there scratching your heads- we are cooler than you.  Go check out Star Trek: The Next Generation and then get back to me.) 

I understand that everyone wants a pair of jeans that they can wear with a fun pair of heels/boots/wedges etc.  Naturally, these need to be a little longer than usual to accommodate the extra height, or else we would look silly, right?  Of course.  That’s what the long ones are for!  Hear me, oh rich and powerful Magnates of Denim: There is no reason to make the regular length jeans longer!  You have already provided for this with your "Long" length!!!  Does anyone else have this much trouble, or is it just me?       

All that whingeing aside, I actually did have some margin of success yesterday- at Wal-Mart no less.  (Oh my gosh, spell check recognizes Wal-Mart as an actual word!)  Here’s the secret.  Ready?  You have to buy petite.  Not really a word I would ever use to describe myself, but apparently if you want jeans to come down just to the soles of your shoes, that’s the way you have to go.  Which leaves me wondering- what is the difference between 12 petite and 12 short?  Because I tried the petite ones and they were the perfect length, and then I tried the short ones and I looked like a sailor from On The Town.  Go figure.