Seriously. I don't know what it is about me, but my fingernails are freakishly strong. They almost never break. My current theory is that I have an overabundance of protein in my body, and instead of the surplus manifesting itself in awesome ways like really big muscles or the stamina of a marathon runner, I have instead been cursed with fingernails so strong that in order to trim them, I have to first soften them by running them under hot water for several minutes and even after that I still have to use the heavy-duty toenail clippers instead of regular nail clippers that are made for normal, non-mutant people.
I think it's too much protein because I also have abnormally thick and heavy hair, and isn't hair made out of protein? I remember hearing somewhere that your fingernails are the same substance as your hair. Or maybe I heard that the horn of a rhinoceros is just densely packed hair, and is mostly protein, and then my bizarro imagination just threw in the fingernails for fun. Either way, trimming my nails is an arduous task but it must be done, and soon, because they are now so long that it's affecting my ability to type. Really, I've had to backspace so many times already in this post you don't even know. It's taking me way longer than usual.
2. Laundry.
I'm drowning in it. At this point it would just be easier to buy all new clothes.
3. Write a blog post.
Oh wait, I'm doing that. Sweet.
4. Go shopping for long-sleeved shirts.
I think I only have five, and right now I'm just kind of repeating them a lot with different pants combinations, and hoping no one will notice. Also, see number two, above.
So... that's my list of stuff. Which can only be accomplished if I get up and start doing something, so I think I'm going to go get the pruning shears and hack at my rhino nails for a while. Peace out, cub scout.
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